Affirmation 3/20/18

Deep breath. You can’t control everything, even though that seems like it would be great. That’d be a lot of responsibility though. So deep breath, time to let go a bit and trust others.

I’m glad you’re here.


Affirmation 3/19/18

Deep breath. Let’s do another one. Hear me, friend. There are so many things that are not your fault. There are so many things you know were out of your control, nonetheless you’re still blaming yourself. You’re still taking responsibility. Friend, let go. Deep breath, let go. Let go of the blame and anger and shame. You are more than things that have happened to you. You are so much more.

I’m glad you’re here.

Affirmation 3/16/18

Hey. Listen to me. This, like you, is important. You are beautiful. Your persistence and determination are beautiful. Your work is beautiful. Your fight is beautiful. Your rests are beautiful. Your strength, joy, hurt are beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. Your mind is beautiful. Your body is beautiful. That body of yours is fighting to keep your here. It wants you to keep going, and so do I, beautiful one.

I’m glad you’re here.

Affirmation 3/15/18

You are doing so well, my friend. You are powerful and prevailing. You are moving forward, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You are doing such beautiful and important work, and I promise you are worth that time.

I’m glad you’re here.

Affirmation 3/14/18

Deep breath. Slow, even breaths. Take action right now. Whatever that needs to be. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Act. Maybe that action is running forward with a plan. Maybe it’s taking a step back. Whatever you need to do, do it. You’re ready.

I’m glad you’re here.

Adventure in Existing in the World


(This is available for purchase at TheEscapistArtist Go buy it.)


March 8, 2018

I walked out of my office and down half a block. As I reached the half block point a man in his mid-50s came out of the Salvation Army. I was on the phone, so I didn’t hear what he was saying, but he started shouting at me. He ran across the street to where I was walking and continued to yell. He continued to follow me. I went into the nearest building which was a Starbucks. I stood there a few minutes until it felt like the coast was clear. I walked out and changed routes, changed plans, looking over my shoulder the whole time. I walked two more blocks and the man came from around a different corner shouting again. I changed routes again. I changed plans. I turned a corner and two men in their late-20s or early-30s walked out of an office building. They started to turn a corner, then turned around. They started walking back toward me, yelling. Still with my headphones in I turned again and changed course. I walked another block only to have a man sitting in his truck rolled down his window and started shouting at me. Looking over my shoulder the whole way back to the office. Outside less than 15 minutes. Never made it to a place to get lunch.

It shook me. It changed my whole day. It changed how I felt about myself. Every insecurity poured into my heart and mind. Every cruel way someone complimented me as a joke. Every piece of safety stripped from me. All control taken again.

March 10, 2018

While pumping gas a man in his late-30s working in the parking lot was picking up trash. Every time he walked by me he smiled an unsettling smile, every time he looked at me. As I finished pumping my gas I looked up. He was across the parking lot staring. Once again I was on the phone. I went inside to buy something, when I came back he was standing next to my car, less than ten feet away. Just standing there. Staring at me. As I got in the car he stared and gave his unsettling smile. I started my car, and he walked backwards away from my car staring the whole time.

I left, and as I drove by again I checked to see if I could see him so I could take his picture and send it to his employer to inform them of what had happened. I did not see him.

March 12, 2018

Leaving a grocery store I was in my car about to start it when I looked up. A man in his early-20s walked by the front of my car. As he did he made direct eye contact with me the whole time and did the old tongue-between-the-fingers. He then sauntered off casually into the grocery as if nothing had happened.

My instinct, my greatest desire is to yell at them. I want to approach them, face-to-face, and ask, “what do you want to happen here? What’s your end game? Where do you think that’s going to lead?” The truth is though it shakes my sense of safety so unbelievably, I can’t imagine putting that in further risk by engaging. Without engaging though it will continue to happen. The cycle will continue. If I engage, I’m at risk, but if I don’t engage, we all remain at risk. I’ll be honest though, I’ve just spend 8 years rebuilding my sense of safety, I’m not going to risk throwing it away again until I’m certain it’s stable.

Maybe that’s selfish, but I’m pretty sure it’s not. If you think it is, sorry, but also tough shit. It’s something that doesn’t just leave my mind. It’s something that lingers with so many questions about what I’m doing wrong. Which coat, which top, which hairstyle, makeup or no makeup? What are the factors? How is this my fault? What am I doing?

I know the answers are all that I’m not doing anything. That this isn’t my fault, but still as they pile up, it becomes almost impossible not to wonder what I’ve done, what I’m doing to make this keep happening.

Affirmation 3/12/18

Deep breath. Think of all that you’ve accomplished, even the smallest things. Today you are breathing. You made it through yesterday. Today is a whole new day for you to be proud of yourself. Look at all you’ve done and how far you’ve come. It’s okay to be proud of yourself. It really is. In fact, you should be so proud of all that you’ve done.

I’m glad you’re here.