As I’m leaving Marshall’s they are all standing in front of the doorway, leaving me little room to get out. I loudly, but politely say, “Excuse me,” and slide through after they generously do not move.
I go to my car. Plug in my ipod. Put on “The Dark I Know Well” from “Spring Awakening,” because I love the sound of Lauren Pritchard’s voice. (Can I get an amen?”) And I’m singing along. I’m backing up. Slowly. All the while watching this family in their car, which is on but not moving. Then suddenly they back out of the parking space. FAST. And then I hear a honk. I stop, even though I’m half way out of the spot and turning. He pulls back in. And I’m just singing along, like I do, backing up and driving away.
As I’m nearing the end of the parking lot I see in my mirror the same car coming at me. Fast. So I stop, because I know what is unnecessarily coming, though I’m hoping it’s an apology. No dice. The man, red-faced and spitting shouts, “I HONKED FOR YOU BENEFIT!!!!” Pointing at me all the while. “Oh. Well thank you, sir,” I say calmly (secretly wanting to say, “yeah because I know I honk for other people when I drive like an idiot). “I SAW YOUR SMART ALEC MOUTH!!” Oh no! He’s onto me, he knows about my life outside of driving! “Sir?” “I SAW YOU SAYING SARCASTIC THINGS BACK THERE!” Not realizing I’d been singing along, angrily with the angry song, I try to explain, “No, sir I was singing along to the radio. It’s a pretty…” but before I can finish the finger is pointing again and almost hitting his wife in her face “YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL!!” “Ok sir,” I reply. Grateful you didn’t hit me. Twice. I am. “WITH YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOUR SMART ALEC MOUTH!!!” He was hung up on my mouth that was singing about sexual abuse not about bad Ohio drivers.
And he sped off again, before I could even think to explain I’m just unwittingly a very good actor who felt the passion in that song. But I figure what’s the point.
I didn’t do anything wrong except drive well, which my Chicago friends can vouche for me on being a good driver. Mostly it’s funny, because well, he was mad at me for him being a bad driver, and kind of a pain in the ass in general.