Another day. Another adventure.
Last Sunday Brett and I decided to completely avoid our homework and our commitments by making the drive to Fort Wayne to return something to the mall.
Well, the mall turned into Target and plans to meet the Freers for sushi.
So we make our run to the mall to return the article of clothing and then choose to venture to Target as we still have about an hour to kill before we have to meet the Freers.
We go to Target because this lady needed underwears. I find some undapants and a flick I want to buy. I have them in hand and we are headed to the check out when Target employee Fatsy Markson tells us we all have to go to the “fire tunnel” because there’s a “tornado” coming.
“What?” I say.
“Are you serious?!” Brett says.
And we are herded with the rest of the cattle at Target into the Target “fort.” Brett and I avoided the grumblers and went to the back of the fort in the Fort.
Settled on the floor next to the baby mattress Brett says, “Whenever I’m in situations like this or like on a plane I wonder to myself which of these people I’m going to bond with when we start to die.”
I laugh a little, hoping this isn’t the way we go.
“Let’s check our supplies,” Brett says as she opens her purse.
A pen, a notebook, some moneys, and probably something outrageous.
My turn comes.
“Well, I have my Bible,” I say.
Soon to be new friend, funny Target employee “Shirley” (that’s what I call her in my head now) says, “You better go ahead and start reading us that just in case.”
We laughed, because that was a pretty funny thing to say, but it was made funnier when the lady with the little girl who had weasled back into our corner looked really panicked by the statement.
I list off some more useless things. And then providence smiles on me there in my impending doom. My good nosering. The stud. The magnificent missing friend returned to me, valiant.
“MY NOSERING!” I shriek.
A few more hour minutes pass and I say, “We’re gonna be late for sushis.”
And it happens. Our new BFF Brandon (or BFFB or BOBFFB) says, “Aw that sounds so good right now.” And we smile.
We make jokes about the world ending and how none of us will survive and how those fire doors aren’t tornado doors and we’ll soon be dead.
Then the manager tells us it’s safe to leave the “fort”. We do. I buy underwear and Shaun of the Dead from BOBFFB and we almost ask him to sushi, but wuss out.
And no one died at all.