Adventure in Adventure Bag

Peter Pan is my favorite book. I have three copies of it. All of them are annotated. All of them are worn.

When I was little I was determined to be an adventurer. I was going to explore the whole world. There were tigers hiding in the day lilies. There were hunters hiding in the trees. And while I knew it was just a story part of me was pretty sure that Peter Pan was based on actual events. In the same way I believed (believe) the Doctor is real. It’s all just so generalized now. One person heard one specific story, and those details spread. With the Doctor, if I’m honest with you, I believed every detail. Gobbled it up. Now I know–erm imagine, some details stuck. Big, blue box. One person saw a big, blue box a few times and was like “yep, it’s always that.” And then came a tv show. And then came a fan base. And then came a skewing of the truth. But I know that if I wait it out, he’ll come to my TARDIS. my tardis

With Peter Pan I got carried away. Maybe. Understand me here. I had a great home life. I did. Shoot, I still could if I wanted to move back. But I was a restless kid. I still am. And I thought one day I’d run away. Not out of spite or fear or anger. I just needed to get away. To be free and to explore without restrictions. So I packed a bag. I kept a bag packed, for just the right time. Truth be told, I kept a bag packed in quiet anticipation of Peter Pan coming to my window. I remember crying myself to sleep a few times thinking about how I’m not English, and he’d never come to America.

It wasn’t a big bag, but I wasn’t a big person. A change of clothes. Underwear. A stuffed animal. Webby, from Duck Tales, I think. And my blankie.

This week I did something I hadn’t done for a very long time. I packed the bag. It’s a bookbag I stole from my brother. Olive drab canvas. I stole it when I reattached a strap. “I fixed it, so it’s mine now.” (I’m a bad person). A change of clothes. Shorts. Jeans. Two shirts. Underwear. Spare toothbrush. Deodorant. Yellow, stone-washed Toms. My favorite copy of Peter Pan. The current book I’m reading. Blankie.

Adulthood isn’t so different, and I know I’m not going anywhere, but I feel like I could. I could run away. Is it running away if you’re an adult with no actual obligations or ties?

Know that if the Doctor comes, I’m going. I’ve got my bags packed just like Donna Noble (on a much smaller scale). And when–if he does, we’re picking up Jeff Blossom, and hitting the infinite time/space highway.

It’s summer, and summer is brutal to my heart and mind. The way that winter destroys so many other people. Summer kills me. I’ve been trying to prepare myself. Getting myself ready with favorite memories from summers past. How can any summer live up to the summer of Fox Mulder? How can I survive another summer at all? This one may do me in.

I’m just so fitful. Restless. Chickenshit.

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Adventure in Life’s a show

In continuing with the theme of better understanding me, I offer you 50 TV shows that have shaped me into whatever it is I am. For better or worse. In an exciting random order.

01. Laverne and Shirley

02. Happy Days

03. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

04. Gilmore Girls

05. X-Files

06. Full House

07. Boy Meets World

08. 30 Rock

09. Dawson’s Creek

10. Magic School Bus

11. Clarissa Explains it All

12. My So-Called Life

13. Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?

14. Hey Arnold!

15. Animaniacs

16. Doug

17. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

18. Star Trek the Next Generation

19. Arrested Development

20. Firefly

21. Daria

22. Black Books

23. Kids in the Hall

24. Saturday Night Live

25. Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman

26. The Muppet Show

27. Freaks and Geeks

28. Sesame Street

29. The Brak Show

30. Duck Tales

31. Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers

32. Doctor Who

33. Fraggle Rock

34. M*A*S*H

35. Are you afraid of the Dark?

36. All That

37. Salute Your Shorts

38. The Adventures of Pete and Pete

39. The Carol Burnett Show

40. Ghostwriter

41. Muppet Babies

42. Gummie Bears

43. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

44. Sabrina the Teenage Witch

45. Home Improvement

46. Murder, She Wrote

47. The Jetsons

48. Get Smart

49. How I Met Your Mother

50. 24