Adventure in Hauntober 5: Let’s get weird

This is a group of movies that you can probably get away with watching in October, and people won’t think you’re deranged. Just a little creepy, but totally great.

The ‘Burbs (1989):
This is one of my all-time favorite movies of all time. That’s right. I love it so much it makes me repetative. Tom Hanks and his neighbors take begin to suspect something suspicious and perhaps murderous is going on at the Kolfak’s house. While his wife, Carrie Fisher, is away the boys get right to work on spying and problem causing.

 

Addams Family Values (1993):
The television classic comes to life again in this sequel. Personally, this is my favorite of the three Addams Family movies. Joan Cusack plays a serial killer who marries Uncle Fester (Christopher Lloyd). Wednesday (Christina Ricci) and Pugsley are away at a miserably cheerful summer camp, while Gomez (Raul Julia) and Morticia (Anjelica Huston) are trying to figure out what’s wrong with Uncle Fester.

 

Rear Window (1954):
In the same way that Dial M for Murder is unsettling because she’s stuck in her room, so Rear Window is unsettling because Jimmy Stewart is stuck in a wheelchair. Even worse his only companion is Grace Kelly who was an invalid herself in the aforementioned. As things get more and more suspicious and foul play is suspected the music gets faster and the lighting grows dim and you know what that means!

 

Coraline (2009):
In this Neil Gaiman graphic novel adaptation Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) isn’t quite loving her new house without her friends, the weird neighbors or how neglected by her parents she feels. So when she finds a key that opens a secret door into a parallel world she thinks she’s really made it. Until the other mother wants her to stay. Forever. In a land of eyes made of buttons. Everything is perfect until it is absolutely NOT.

 

Corpse Bride (2005):
Victor and Victoria are not quite sure about their betrothal until they meet. Victor still has the jitters and goes to the woods to practice his vows only to accidentally marry a dead lady. Whoops! (Be gracious. We’ve all done it.) And now he has to decide whether he wants to be dead and married or married til death.

 

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985):
Pee-Wee comes to the big screen in search of his stolen bike. His perfect bike. He’s on a cross country adventure to find it. And Dottie isn’t invited, because he’s a loner, a rebel. Brace for Large Marge. That’s all I can say.

 

Black Swan (2010):
Natalie Portman stars as the Black and White Swans in this psychological thriller. The backdrop is ballerinas putting on Swan Lake. The movie is Swan Lake. If you know the story of the ballet, or have even so much as seen the Swan Princess, and understand the way Greek choruses work then you’ll get a chance to see the ballet without having to watch the whole thing.

 

Bug (2006):
Michael Shannon reprises his stage role in this play turned movie. An Army vet is on the run from the government and makes friends with a lonely and abused woman (Ashley Judd). When her ex-boyfriend (Harry Connick Jr.) is released from prison she’s afraid and welcomes Shannon’s company. But her friends quickly become concerned when the couples convinces themselves that they have aphids in their flesh and start mutilating themselves to get rid of these government plants.

 

The Dark Crystal (1982):
Jim Henson offers something different than his typical muppets, mostly to show off just what he is capable of, and that capability is a beautiful thing. The last two Gelflings seek the dark crystal to restore the Skeksis and the Mystics to their natural state, together. It’s a little like that episode of Buffy (The Replacement) in which Xander is split in two: One half his best qualities and one half his worst. Both Xander.

 

Ghostbusters (1984):
You thought I forgot it, didn’t you? Please, I’m no fool. As a rule, if there’s something strange in your neighborhood, call Bill Murray. If there’s something normal in your neighborhood, and you have Bill Murray’s number, you should call him then too. Also, if you have Bill Murray’s number, I’d really appreciate it. Or Dan Aykroyd.

 

Mystery Men (1999):
Alright, I admit I’ve picked this one because of all of the costumes. But this movie is probably in my top 50 favorite movies of all time. It might be high on the list; it might not. The point is it’s wonderful. If you’re the type of person who loves quoting movies, than this is for you. If you’re the type of person who loves Kel Mitchell, then this is for you. If you like watching Dane Cook get rejected, then go watch it. Just…just do it. Hank Azaria, William H. Macy, Ben Stiller, Jeneane Garofalo, Paul Reubens, Kel Mitchell, Greg Kinear, Geoffrey Rush, Eddie Izzard. Red Eyes, Red Eyes, Red Eyes, I was expecting to see you again so SPOON.

 

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975):
Meatloaf, guys. Meatloaf. The guy who wrote it stars in it and then was never in anything ever again, because this is so weird. If you don’t have time to watch the whole thing I’m including an alternative for you. But if nothing else it’s worth it for all that Tim Curry goodness. Also, watching this alone in your house is actually probably weirder than watching it with a horde of people dressed in drag.

Your alternative:

 

Sleepy Hollow (1999):
Johnny Depp plays Ichabod Crane in this retelling of the Washington Irving story. With Christina Ricci as his plucky girl companion and a young boy assistant Crane has rid himself of “schoolteacher” and become a pathologist with all sorts of crazy new forensic ideas. Meanwhile, Christopher Walken (the horsemen) is tromping around stealing heads, but who is controlling him? Spoilers: It’s not me.

Adventure in Hauntober: Part 2! The Return of Hauntober

After the first installment of Hauntober, I decided it was important than I did two more installments. So today I offer you the autumnal movies that get me through October. I will say, none of them are notably haunting, well that’s not exclusively true. It’s mostly true though. These are the movies that put me in front of a fire or curled up in bed in a pair of leggings and leg warmers. Some knee high socks and an over-sized sweatshirt. (As a rule this is also my go-to laying around the house outfit). (Also, as a rule, this is not a leaving the house EVER outfit, because I care about you as humans).

So here they are my autumn movies, for no other reason than they feel like autumn to me:

Blackbeard’s Ghost (1968):
This is classic ’60s Disney. The ghost of Blackbeard (Peter Ustinov) himself is called on by accident when Dean Jones reads a spell out loud. The old captain must redeem himself and help out a pack of old ladies who happen to be his ancestors. Zaniness ensues. Drunk pirate zaniness. Ships on the land? With wheels? This is unheard of! Oh did I mention that no one except Dean Jones can see Blackbeard?

The Canterville Ghost (1996):
Sir Simon de Canterville (Sir Patrick Stewart) is condemned to haunt his old home thanks to a gypsy and a family curse. He can only be released from the curse and forgiven of his sins when a young girl (Neve Campbell, that’s right. It was the ’90s and the height of Neve Campbell season) prays for him. This isn’t the first of the TV specials you’ll see on my list, but it is the only Oscar Wilde retelling. Plus! There are two younger brothers in this movie (Adam and Washington), who get along better than young brothers are supposed to. They act as one human being. It’s really creepier than the ghost.

The Cider House Rules (1999):
An all-star cast with Michael Caine, Tobey Macguire, Charlize Theron, and Paul Rudd deal with abortions and apples (this is not an accurate summary. well kind of) in this Academy Award-winning film adaptation of John Irving’s novel of the same name.

Chronicles of Narnia (1988-1990):
C.S. Lewis’ famous series told by none other than the BBC. In the ’80s. So brace yourself for camp, but if you can look away from the poor production value then you’ll see a pretty darn accurate depiction of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treder, and The Silver Chair. Not to mention you’ll get to see the Doctor (Tom Baker) play Puddleglum. The music from these movies still haunts my head and my heart. And by movies I mean mini-serials.

Clue (1985):
A zany list of what are now B-listers take to the screen for a romp through a favorite board game. Christopher Lloyd, Martin Mull, Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn, Eileen Brennan, Michael McKean, and Lesley Ann Warren bring the board game to life as they try to figure out who killed Mr. Body and several other people. Puns and mayhem fill the screen. Not to mention this movie has three endings, son!

Dead Poets Society (1989):
Alright, if you have seen this movie, then I’m sorry. You weren’t even warned by Robin Williams having a beard, so how could you have known in advance that you were going to cry? You couldn’t, so I’m warning you. Brotherhood, poetry, suicide, theatre. See? You’re sad already. Just watch it.

Donnie Darko (2001):
I reckon I could qualify this as a Halloween movie as well. Donnie Darko (Jake Gyllenhall) isn’t anything special. Unless you consider schizophrenia and time travel notably special. They’re pretty common place in my life. (awful jokes) If you can keep yourself from having nightmares about Frank and completely ignore the fact that there is a nonsensical sequel out there then you’ll be fine.

Eulogy (2004):
This is a movie that comes from a time in the world where I didn’t want to punch Zooey Deschenal. That time is over now. Long over. Grandpa has died and the family is coming together for the first time in a long time. I promise, you’ll even learn to tolerate Ray Romano by the end. Dysfunctional families are always funny right? Right? Especially when you hand them suicidal tendencies, marijuana, an over abundance of sexuality, and self-loathing. Right? Okay, so it’s a dark comedy.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009):
Wes Anderson’s first movie on the list. It’s a vague retelling of Roald Dahl’s book of the same name. Really vague. But it’s star-studded cast in, easily, the most beautiful claymation I’ve ever seen. As always Anderson’s team bring together a beautiful soundtrack that echoes with autumn. And the colors, oh the colors. It’s a real clustercuss of autumn. Did I mention it’s funny? Yeah. It’s that.

The Four Seasons (1981):
Alan Alda, Carol Burnett. You in yet? Three married couples on vacations through the seasons, so I guess just watch the part that takes place in autumn. Or all of it. Oh watch it all.

Funny Farm (1988):
Chevy Chase plays Andy Farmer who buys a place in Vermont with his wife. The Farmers buy a farm, but the Farmers aren’t farmers. I don’t think that’s the tagline. It should have been. Best movie ever? No. But watch it anyway! Because Chevy Chase.

Good Will Hunting (1997):
This is the movie that taught us that Ben Affleck is at his best (acting-wise) when he is writing for Ben Affleck. But the movie warns you. Robin Williams has a beard. So brace for that. The Afflecks and Matt Damon in their home of Boston. A genius from Southie as a janitor at Harvard. Take it. Love it. The Academy did, back when the Academy meant something. The whole thing makes me think of the color orange. Just a big pile of orange.

Harry Potter (2001-2011):
Specifically Sorcerer’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets, and Prisoner of Azkaban. I think as the stories get darker the movies feel colder to me, so they begin to feel more like winter than autumn. I’m not going to pretend to sum this up for you.

O, Brother Where Art Thou? (2000):
A modernized retelling of the Odyssey. Yeah, I think I’m allowed to consider the ’30s modern compared to ancient Greece. Ulysses Everett McGuill (George Clooney) may not be bonafide, but he’s going to get his wife back. With the help of two other inmates (Jon Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson) the three embark on a journey to seek the treasure. If by the end of the movie you’re mad at me, I’ll only tell you to go back and listen to the music again. This, not ER, not anything else, made me fall in love with George Clooney.

October Sky (1999):
Come on. OCTOBER Sky. What was I supposed to do? Ignore it? Plus, Sputnik 1, space travel dreams, coal miners, fathers who want to dash dreams. The whole thing. If I’m really honest, which I disgustingly am, then I’ll have to admit I’ve only seen this once. Nonetheless it feels like fall. Right?

Penelope (2006):
A new fairy tale! An actual one. With the twist having some actual value, and not a kiss from a prince or something stupid! A family curse. All that. Plus Catherine O’Hara being a horrible mother. It’s always a win. Christina Ricci looking stunning with a pig face. James McAvoy being precious as always.

A Prairie Home Companion (2006):
If you love the radio program, then the movie will delight you. If you had no idea it was a radio program, then the movie will delight you. A group of friends doing the same radio show they’ve been doing for decades puts on one last performance as a ghost guides them through the night. With some of the stars of the real show and some stars who steal the show.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001):
Wes Anderson, part 2. Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman), his family of genius children, his wife (Anjelica Huston), and some friends try to come to terms with each other for the first time in 22 years. Alec Baldwin narrates.

The Skulls (2000):
This is not the best movie ever. But secret societies are always a win. Especially at colleges when life, honor, friendship and reputation are on the line.

Adventure in Hauntober

That’s not a thing, by the way. Well, it kind of is. In Hayley Land. To the best of my ability during the month of October I try to watch a horror movie, a Halloween movie, or simply a movie that smacks of Autumn. As I’m sure you can imagine this builds up to Halloween, a night I’m sure I’ll be working, so I’m just trying to get it all in now. Halloween and the time surrounding it is one of my favorite times of the year. Costumes, candy, ghost stories, urban legends. I love it all.

The good news? I’ve got a list for you! Here is a list of my favorite Halloween movies:

Casper:
Devon Sawa. Christina Ricci. Bill Pullman. Eric Idle. ’90s nostalgia.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial:
Aliens. Kindred spirits. “Penis breath.”

Hocus Pocus:
As you can imagine I love this movie for a lot of reasons. Let’s think about it. Bette Midler. Kathy Najimy. Bette Midler singing. Urban legends. Tiny Sean Murray (NCIS). Talking cat. “Yabbos.”

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown:
It’s a classic, Charlie Brown. You simply have to.

Ernest Scared Stupid:
Who doesn’t love some quality Ernest? Honestly, there are things in this movie that still scare me. Let us never speak of them. Bonus: Eartha Kitt

Halloweentown:
Alright, I admit. It’s cheesy. It’s a Disney Channel Original in all possible ways, but you know what? It’s fun, and I’m a fan of fun.

The Adventures of Ichabod Crane and Mr. Toad:
Bing Crosby and classic Disney bliss.

Spaced Invaders:
Dimwitted aliens. War of the Worlds. Get on it.

Beetlejuice:
Okay, technically it isn’t a Halloween movie, but it is pretty great for this time of year. It’s got the creep factor and ghosts and hauntings. Plus! Young Alec Baldwin and Michael Keaton. In fact, Michael Keaton in a pretty disgusting, un-Michael Keaton role. And Winona Ryder, Catherine O’Hara, Geena Davis, Jeffrey Jones.

Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School:
Okay, I admit it. It isn’t a Halloween movie. You could add Scooby-Doo meets the Boo Brothers for the same reason. But it’s quality. As long as you ignore the fact that Scrappy-Doo made it in on this adventure.

The Nightmare Before Christmas:
Now if I’m really honest with you, I only vaguely consider this a Halloween movie. I’d argue for it being closer to a Christmas movie, but the joy is that you get to watch it from Halloween until Christmas! It takes place from the end of Halloween until Halloweentown tries to put on Christmas.

And if you really care, then you’ll watch every Halloween episode for the shows you love! I’m looking at you, Buffy fans. Yeah, sorry. You’re just going to have to listen to it twice.

Things you won’t ever see on my Halloween movie list:

Edward Scissorhands. Because it’s a Christmas movie. In the same way that Die hard is a Christmas movie. How can a movie that takes place at Christmas be considered a Halloween movie? It happens every year, but it always makes me mad.