Affirmation 10/15/17

Deep breath. You are balanced. You are calm. You are at peace. Deep breath. You are balance. You are calm. You are at peace. Deep breath. You are balanced. You are calm. You are at peace. Deep breath.

I’m glad you’re here.

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Affirmation 7/19/17

Look, you can only do so much. That’s okay. That’s healthy. You don’t have to make yourself do more than you can handle. Take your time. Take care of yourself. It’s okay that you understand and know your limits. Value them, balance them. You are in control.

I’m glad you’re here.

Adventure in Finding Balance

Where’s the line? At what point am I destroying myself to “be forgiving?” Am I actually being forgiving or am I just letting shitty things keep happening to me just to look like a better person?

As it turns out, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. I want to be able to forgive people, but the fact is people continue to be pretty awful. Even if I play by the rules. Even if I try to be honest, and try not to attack. Even if I only talk about the way things make me feel, which I hate to do, by the way. It turns out that doesn’t matter. It makes me an easier target. I’m that sap who tries to make things better. I’m the idiot who just let’s people destroy her.

And what’s worse is I’m trying to be gracious and forgiving. I am trying, but I’m awful at it. And the world around me is telling me that I’m not supposed to continue forgiving people. But that’s not true. Because I do the same things to God, and I keep getting forgiven. So why shouldn’t I try? I should. I shouldn’t try. I should do it. But I’m the worst at it. I’m just the worst. And I don’t know how to maintain even civil relationships with the people who perpetuate the problems of me being treated or feeling like shit and the grace and forgiveness of Christ. Part of that I’m sure is compounded by the fact that I let it affect me so much, instead of pursuing Christ in it. That I’m pursuing being forgiving and gracious instead of pursuing Christ.

I don’t have a concrete conclusion to my thoughts. I only know I’m weary of pouring into people who only tear me apart. And yet, I seem okay doing the same thing to God.

He kicked me in the face one day pretty hard with the whole “Love your enemy, and pray for those who persecute you.” And now I just have no idea what to do.

I have more thoughts, but they’re about to get prideful. Let’s just leave it there. I’m the worst.

Adventure in Soon to Start Over

851) If he doesn’t wear a shirt in public, even in the sweltering heat (anywhere but the beach and the pool), is not for you.
852) You don’t need to do your hair.
853) If it looks like your bra (e.g. bikini top) treat it as such in public. I don’t care how hot it is. (pool/beach exception stands)
854) Tube tops are a blight on humanity. You will not wear them.
855) No smoking
856) Bring a water bottle.
857) Listen to people, even if they seem draining.
858) You never know what is they’re trying to say.
859) A task that needs to be done with another person isn’t a chore, it’s an opportunity.
860) When it comes to your friends, have loft goals for staying together.
861) If you find yourself assuming the things people are saying are about you, you are being selfish.
862) If people are talking about someone and you think it is you. If you think that because you don’t like what they’re saying, maybe it’s time to change that aspect of your life.
863) Do not try to impress your friends. They already decided to love you.
864) In fact, don’t bother trying to be impressive.
865) There are worse things than a hot day.
867) No experience is more important than the people you are experiencing life with.
868) No rompers.
869) Keep even the small things that are important to you.
870) Meanwhile, don’t be a hoarder.
871) Ideally, your life can fit in your car.
872) You aren’t going to get everything you want.
873) You shouldn’t get everything you want.
874) Don’t be afraid, though, to let people know what you want.
875) If you can’t choose flip a coin.  It will usually give you the answer you don’t want.
876) Chicago pizza is the best sort.
877) Your plans aren’t always going to be God’s plan.
878) Community is not your God.
879) Christ-centered living is not easy.
880) If your life is easy you probably are likely living for yourself.
881) Give a grander thank you to those who have no reason to be generous to you.
882) No one has any reason to be generous. or kind
883) Skirts are better than shorts. Always
884) The opportunity to proof-read peoples’ papers or e-mails or whatever it is they might need you to proof-read is a beautiful chance to read about what is truly important to them.
885) Balance your time.
886) Do not over commit yourself.
887) Know how to say “no”
888) Some times people just need to be with someone. Don’t make them talk if they don’t want to.
889) Silence between friends is a beautiful thing.
890) When you can, share a room with as many friends as you can.
891) Long, intense conversations will happen when you want to be asleep. Have them. As long as you need to
892) If something about an activity (in a movie or conversation) is hard for you to take in emotionally, speak up.
893) Or walk away.
894) Counseling is an important, challenging and wonderful thing.
895) Always be prepared for the possibility of swimming.
896) Sleep is a valuable and essential thing.
897) People are more important and more essential.
898) Packing seems like the worst thing in the world. It isn’t.
899) Leaving is.
900) Especially when you know you have to.