Adventure in Continuing Questions with Dr. Mary Ruthi or Gosh, I Give Up!

For those of you less interested in what I have to say, just wait. In a few days I’m sure we’ll have more information from the ever-intelligent and entertaining Mary Ruthi. Meanwhile, my latest e-mail to her.

Dr. Ruthi,
Then I think it’s time to plan that important trip to Chicago O’Hare that every girl should take. Hopefully only once in her life. Right? Right?! Just kidding. Sort of.
 
I was discussing that concept with some friends in the last few months. This idea that Christians rush to get married because pre-marital sex is explicitly addressed in the Bible. “If we can’t have sex unless we’re married then we better get married.” Arguably, it seems like a worse life decision to get married to someone under the pretense of love for the sake of sex than to just have pre-marital sex. I’m not a proponent of pre-marital sex, but I am a strong advocate for not screwing up one’s life. I guess you could make a case for either action doing that, but I think one would be easier to get over. And I’m certainly not a fan of increasing the divorce rate. But then I’m also not a strong advocate for remarriage after divorce. OPINIONS. (also, some biblical backing there) (I’m looking at you, Blackhawk Christian School class of 2005)
 
It’s a relatively heart-breaking concept isn’t it? I mean, okay, as far as feminists go I’m a pretty horrible one. We got the vote. I’m satisfied, and I don’t even really like to vote. But there’s something about the sort of manipulation involved in these relationships and interactions that’s just gutting. That as women we would be so desperate for that affection and attention that we would make pretty stupid sacrifices. Moreover that our brothers would be that selfish and controlling. But then, I’ve met men. I know how that works. (Granted, we women aren’t real gems either).

I think you hit the nail on the head though. As women we’re so often so concerned with offending someone or slighting someone. And for some reason in our heads, at least in mine, slighting one man is saying, “No please don’t talk to me all men. I’m not a fan of any of you and I’d much rather live out the rest of my life alone with my cats. And my shotgun.” Which maybe to some degree that’s how it’s perceived too. Like women, men also talk to each other about these interactions. But who are we benefiting by continuing a charade of interest in someone for the sake of not hurting their feelings? “I don’t want to offend you so I’ll just date you. That way when I don’t actually care about you, it won’t hurt as much, because at least I didn’t shoot you down.”

Relationships are stupid-lousy, and the concept of them isn’t looking any brighter.
 
Hayley

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