Adventures in Further Instructions

And so forth.

203) Don’t be stifled by practicality.
204) Don’t mistake pop songs for wisdom, and don’t quote them as such.
205) Be gracious.
206) If you go to a restroom and the door is closed. Knock even if you’re “certain” no one is inside.
207) Dive.
208) You’re never too old for the ball pit.
209) If you insist on wearing socks wear fun ones.
210) Invest in as many sweaters as you can stand. The uglier the better.
211) Dance at weddings.
212) Short earrings with long hair and long earrings with short hair.
213) Your hair should not defy the laws of physics. No matter the occasion.
214) The best time for doughnuts is the middle of the night.
215) Drink your coffee from a gas station if you must drink it.
216) For as long as the weather permits drive with the windows down.
217) Modesty in fashion and character is a respectable thing. And highly neglected.
218) Tea is an indoor picnic whenever you want.
219) Cartoons are right. Banana peels are slippery.
220) Take at least one picture a day for a year.
221) Use your true laugh. Even if it’s a cackle.
222) Start at the clearance rack.
223) When going to someone’s home always have something for your hostess.
224) Pajamas and sweatpants are not appropriate for a plane ride.
225) Even if it takes you ten years read Jane Austen. At least one book.
226) Forgive. And freaking let it go.
227) At least once in your time with them write a letter to each person you love.
228) Go to the park. swing.
229) Tell stupid jokes.
230) Like things because they interest you. Not because all of your friends do.
231) Pudding is the key to soft cookies every time.
232) You are the smartest driver on the road.
233) When you’re driving anyone else their lives are in your hands.
234) The internet is not for dating.
235) Some day you’ll hit an animal with your car. From that point on you’ll hit animals all the time. It’s okay to feel bad every time. In fact, you should.
236) You’re not going to get a pony. They’re not practical transportation.
237) Obi-wan Kenobi brings you your Christmas presents.
238) Science Fiction is nerdy. That’s why it’s so awesome.
239) Batman. not Superman.
240) Steak n Shake is meant for groups of 6 or more.
241) IHOP is only good one time of the day and it’s between 11pm and 3am. No other time.
242) If you’re making pancakes they better be from scratch.
243) Salvation Army, not Goodwill.
244) Play board games. Don’t be like your mom. Apparently people like them.
245) Crosswords, not word searches.
246) Shaving your legs is not the male establishment telling you how to conform to their standards. It’s a chance for you to get away from everyone else for you time. And a great excuse for a bath.
247) Have groceries for the week, but plan out your meals. And buy fresh for day-to-day.
248) Make dinner for more than one.
249) Watch cartoons.
250) Go ahead. Be obnoxiously nostalgic.
251) Go on trips with your friends. Every chance you get.
252) If you have butterfly clips in your hair you better be going to prom with Freddie Prinze, Jr.
253) In a professional or formal setting don’t wearing things that jangle.


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