Anger is not sinful, my dear. In fact, anger is the most appropriate response I can imagine to people who treat you callously. Callousness, cruelty, insensitivity, these are just words that describe “one who facilitates the perpetration of sin or pain on others.”

The idea of not letting the sun go down on your wrath isn’t to say “don’t be angry for long,” it’s to say “don’t allow yourself to obsess over your anger.” God stayed angry at Israel a hundred years at a time, which is a lot of sundowns. What God wants is for you to not let your anger control or destroy you.

You’re pissed. You deserve to be. But, whether you see the value of you or not, you don’t have a right to screw yourself over by doing dumb shit while pissed. Because I do see the value of you. And I don’t like it when you waste it. God feels the same way, I’m sure, he just tends to be less vocal about things than I am.

Here’s advice. Maybe you don’t want it, I don’t care, here it is: Jump through their hoops. Play their wretched game. Do what you have to, because you came here to get a piece of paper, and if you don’t leave with that piece of paper, you’ve probably wasted a lot of money.

We’re your friends because we see in you the beauty that you can’t see yourself. The humor. The talents and wits. The really gigantic boobs. If you don’t see that, then just trust us. If you can’t trust us, then trust God. God made you. God doesn’t make mistakes.

I dunno. Maybe I’ve just screwed things up for you more. Whatever. I want you at Wienies. You get your ass to that ceremony on Saturday. In costume, too. I’m the GWAC this year, and if you don’t come, I will hire goons with the coat check money to come hunt you down and drag you there.

Geez. That was long.